Seeing is Believing
‘Do you really think one of
them will push the button this time?’
The
multi-coloured lights on the control console winked cheerfully, their
reflections in the viewing port hanging like festive baubles against the
space-time darkness, through which the crystal-cold light of the stars
flickered their way towards eternity.
The Borin extruded
an appendage and agitated the scaly surface of his brain-case. ‘And you don’t?
Have you ever seen such a display of irrationality? From the way they’re
carrying on over those tiny lumps of coral in the China - Philippine Sea, you’d
think this sector of the galaxy was awash with exoplanets fit for humanoid
settlement.’
‘Even if they
knew how to get there,’ replied Kalix, his features morphing to visible
amusement. ‘Surely we’ve seen this behaviour before though, when the Russians
placed missiles in Cuba, when the Persians captured Mecca. One of their leaders
has always managed to make them see sense before they did the irreversible. And
at least this time there’s a female in what they call the Oval Office.’
‘I never have
been able to understand their obsession with that binary,’ thought the Borin,
with a sardonic croak for emphasis. ‘A chance mutation with messy
consequences.’
‘Useful for
reproduction,’ replied Kalix.
‘And look
where that’s got them.’
‘Veritably.’
The observation
station continued its lonely, remote orbit through the infinite darkness, until
a tiny blue-hazed speck edged into the viewing port and crawled slowly across its
surface, against the immensity of the stellar backdrop.
‘Do you ever
feel the need to go home?’ asked Kalix.
‘Not sure I
understand the question,’ replied the Borin. ‘I thought-travel there whenever I
wish, off duty of course.’
‘No, I meant
in the extension. Don’t you feel the need to let the olfactory organ enjoy the
exhalation of the hesperrhodos of Galifray? Or extrude a lower digit and dip it
into the tonic-red waters of Gliese Delta?’
The Borin’s electro-magnetic
radiation sensors gazed wistfully into the distance. Then the orbs transformed
to narrow, oval slits.
‘Duty Kalix,
remember our duty. We’re here to keep watch over this sector of the galaxy. We
can enjoy the pleasures of the physical extension, when the tour’s over.’
‘Not like
those humanoids,’ thought Kalix. ‘That’s all they ever seem to do – and think
about.’
‘You know the
trouble with humanoids,’ thought the Borin, ‘is not that they spend too much
time thinking about the pleasures of the extension, but that they believe in
everything, and nothing.‘
‘Amplify,’ requested
Kalix.
Creases
appeared on the surface of the Borin’s brain-case. ‘From the time they evolved humanoids
have invented many things to believe in. Gods, philosophies, heroes, religions,
theories, political parties, and even celebrities like that gluteus maximised
Cardassian female. Anything they think will help make sense of their little lives.’
‘Kardashian.’
‘What?’
‘It’s Kim
Kardashian. She’s American-Armenian, not from the planet Cardassia.
‘They may as
well all be from another planetary system,’ grumped the Borin. ‘But you do take
my point?’
‘That here
they are again, poised on the brink of extinction?’
‘Precisely, every
humanoid seems to think that the truth is what it, alone, believes in. So many
beliefs, so many truths. And yet they still haven’t found the essential truth
of how to live together on their insignificant little planet. Perhaps they
don’t believe in that truth. In which case they believe in nothing.’
‘Your
detoxification gland seems under duress,’ intuited Kalix, ‘perhaps it was the
amino proteins you ingested at siderial meridian.’
‘Possibly, or
perhaps all this worry is irritating the lining of my digestive tract.’
‘Worry?’
‘About this
business of the China - Philippine shoals, and what should be done about it.’
‘What can be
done about it? The primary directive is to observe, and not to interfere.’
‘Yes, yes, we
come in peace, and all that herbivore excrement. But actually the directive
says we cannot interfere, directly.’
‘I perceive
you have something in mind,’ understood Kalix.
‘Indeed. What
these humanoids need is something to believe in.’
‘I thought we
just agreed they already had too much to believe in,’ objected Kalix, the orbs
of its sensors rolling back under their scaly shutters.
‘If you’d let
me finish,’ interjected the Borin. ‘We need to find something they can believe
in that will remind them that living in peace and harmony with each other, is
more important than fighting over a bunch of coral atolls.’
‘Yes, but
what?’ replied Kalix, his outer layer suffusing an iridescent pink. ‘Don’t keep
me in suspense. I’m not a mind reader.’
‘Of course
you are,’ snapped the Borin. Then, seeing a wide black crescent open up beneath
Kalix’s sensors, ‘Ah, you will have your little joke, trying to forcibly extend
the old Borin’s lower limb. Well come now, my loyal deputy, just think of the
celestial occasion, and the solution should be obvious.’
Deep furrows
appeared on the brow of Kalix’s brain-case. ‘Let me see, it’s just past the stellarversary
of the explosion of Kepler’s Supernova.’
‘No, no. On
the Blue Planet, where are they on the elliptic?’ asked the Borin.
‘Just coming up
to the perihelion solstice.’
‘And?’
‘Great
self-substantiating singularity, you surely don’t expect another child to be
born in Bethlehem?’
The amorphous
mass of the Borin heaved convulsively. ‘They seem to have stopped taking much
notice of the last one. No, what they need is someone who gives them a regular
and practical demonstration of what peace and goodwill means. Actually they
already had one, but they stopped believing in him.’
Kalix’s
brain-case slumped into his mass. ‘And are you going to let me in on the
secret.’
‘All in good
time. I need to think with the artificer about constructing a delivery vehicle.
And we’re going to need a life form with skull extensions and a red proboscis.’
Several
orbital revolutions later, and an open topped carriage mounted on runners sat
in the cargo bay. Attached to it were four pairs of fur covered, animatronic quadrupeds,
with what looked like slender tree branches growing out of their small, wedge
shaped, brain-cases. They were headed by a single, similar quadruped whose
proboscis glowed red and winked like a silent alarm. The rear of the vehicle
was loaded with an assortment of various sized packages in brightly coloured
wrappings and ribbons.
The artificer
was making some final adjustments with a sonic screwdriver. ‘All done,’ it
reported, clipping the screwdriver onto his belt and wiping its greasy hands on
a piece of material. ‘Shall we see if it works?’
‘We need the
pilot,’ replied the Borin, extruding a restraining hand and impatiently tapping
the digits onto the metallic surface of the delivery vehicle. The tapping was
interrupted by the arrival of a red coated figure walking on two extruded lower
limbs encased in red leggings and black boots.
‘Ah, there
you are, Kalix. Did you have any trouble finding out what to wear?’
‘It’s all on
Wikipedia. The only thing I had any trouble with was this,’ Kalix replied, stroking
the fluffy, white curls that hid the lower half of its brain-case. ‘My surface
layer can’t extrude sufficiently fine filaments, so I had to replicate it with
spun cellulose. But I can get the rest of the appearance right. Observe.’
Concentration
lines furrowed the brain-case, then the scaly, grey features of the surface
layer dissolved and re-fashioned into a smooth, shiny skin with rosy cheeks and
a button shaped nose, above which a pair of oval shaped openings housed
twinkling sensors.
‘Impressive,
now climb up into the pilot’s seat and the artificer will do the rest.’
At a thought-sign
from the Borin the artificer flicked several switches on a control panel, and
carriage and quadrupeds rose, hovering above the floor of the cargo bay, the bodies
and legs of the quadrupeds animating into a gallop. Kalix emitted audible croaks
and hisses of exuberance as the artificer remotely piloted the carriage around
the cargo bay, soaring and swooping, landing and taking off again. Finally
bringing it back to rest in its original location, and flicking off the
switches.
‘Excellent,’
thought the Borin. ‘We’ve digitally recorded that in four dimensions so we’ll
be able to reproduce it holographically wherever we choose.’
‘I had
wondered about that,’ thought Kalix. ‘How you were going to make it
simultaneously appear all around the Blue Planet, without it looking like an
alien invasion. But aren’t you also in danger of making it look too much like
magic?’
‘Nothing
wrong with that. Any sufficiently advanced technology looks like magic to those
primitive humanoids.’
‘One thing I still
don’t understand, though, is how you’re going to deliver gifts to all the
children with just one delivery vehicle?’
‘That’s the
beauty of it Kalix, the parents will take care of that themselves. We just have
to make it look as if the red-coated gift-giver did it. Several thousand good,
clear sightings all around the planet and they’ll believe what they see, or what
they believe they see reported on their audio-visual display screens.
Three earth
revolutions past the solstice found the Borin and Kalix contentedly enjoying a
post-amino protein Saurian brandy in the control room.
‘Well I think
that went very well,’ thought the Borin. ‘Let’s take a look at what the Galaxy
News Network has to say. Hey Siri, turn on the display screen.’
The screen
flickered into life and the voice of the newscaster filled the control room.
This is GNN, live from the Proxima Centauri
system, with the news headlines.
There are continuing reports from the Sol
System confirming that Santa Claus has been sighted delivering solstice gifts
to children all over the Blue Planet. Thought by many to have faded into the
mythological past, the numerous and confirmed sightings of Santa delivering
gifts from his sleigh, pulled by nine reindeer, have delighted young and old. The
sudden reappearance of the traditional harbinger of festive cheer and good
will, encouraging millions of humanoids to put aside their day to day
differences, and join together in celebrations of friendship and unity.
The Borin’s
scaly, bufonian features coalesced into a self-satisfied grin. ‘What did I tell
you? Seeing is believing.’
It is also reported that many of the planet’s
leaders, encouraged by the spontaneous acts of kindness and generosity, have
exchanged gifts of fruit and flowers symbolising peace and harmony.
The Borin’s
light sensors glowed warmly, and gazed amicably upon the brandy-flushed
features of the deputy. ‘That was very kind of you too Kalix, to leave a basket
of fruit and flowers in my quarters. Although how you managed it so quickly,
and so discretely, I cannot imagine.’
‘I was going
to thank you for the same thing.’ The flush faded, Kalix extruded a finger and
scuffed it across the dome of its brain-case. ‘But I didn’t place anything in
your quarters, and certainly not any fruit and flowers.’
Their sensors
rotated wonderingly, and patches of discordant colours flashed and wheeled across
their grey surface layers. Then Kalix extruded a limb and pointed towards the
viewing port, where a red speck was moving rapidly away in the direction of the
Blue Planet. Increasing their sensor magnifications they recognised the
red-clad figure, his carriage towed by nine galloping life forms, the leading
one with a glowing red proboscis. And penetrating their brain cases, thought
transmitted across the dark void of space, they heard the jingling of bells,
and an unfamiliar, but joyful cry.
Yo, Ho, Ho.
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